Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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