Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
