He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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