you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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