I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
