I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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