I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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