I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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