for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
