i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
