im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Boobs speak an international language.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
