Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
