Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Actions speak louder than pants.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
