so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
