Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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