Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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