i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
