i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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