last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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