I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
