PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
