How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
