So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
