He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
