Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
