so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
