WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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