a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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