Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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