I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He passed out mid-signature
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
