Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
