wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
