It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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