Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
