I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
