I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
