I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
