So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
