Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?