I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.