rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!