Can i not drive my cunt home
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
