You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.