I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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