Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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(740): View more from Ohio

Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

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(804): View more from Virginia

Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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(402): View more from Nebraska

when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"

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(858): View more from California

Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.

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