Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
