just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?