maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
