I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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