I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
