There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
