I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
