my mouth tastes like poor choices
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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