I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I met the friendliest cop last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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