Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
