Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
nutella sex= disaster
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
