i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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