it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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