the condom got lost in my hair
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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