the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
from now on my penis is your penis
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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