are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
