I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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