I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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