last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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