He uses pillows to masturbate.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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