I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
