I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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