I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
