____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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