Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize