My liver just broke up with me...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize