this beer tastes like vomit already
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
