I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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