Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
