I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
