I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
