i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
