Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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