yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
