IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
