I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
