im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
