Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize