I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
