Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
