I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
