bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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