its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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